I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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