I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
