North Korea, Best Korea!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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