If that was your dad, he is hot
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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