ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
