Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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