She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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