My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
