I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
