The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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