When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just want to make out with him forever
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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