I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
