So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
