It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
