I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
