i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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