I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
