never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
