i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
