I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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