I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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