when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
