Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize