I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
