I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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