So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
