Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
