could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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