Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
