Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
