ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
