on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
