Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
