I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Pooping to opera.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
