How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
