when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
