I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It was like getting head from an anaconda
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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