He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
