woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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