Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
