so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
