He uses pillows to masturbate.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
