So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
