i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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