I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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