Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
