Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need water and some morals
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
