i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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