Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
