my room smells like sperm. sweet.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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