I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
